Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
by Kaslyna
Summary: The possible beginning of Jack and Claire's relationship, using one of my favorite songs.


**A/N: So this is a Jack/Claire song-fiction. Just a one-shot, I guess. The song lyrics are from Sarah McLachlan's Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, which is an enchanting song.**

**Disclaimer: Law & Order belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC, and Fumbling Towards Ecstasy belongs to Sarah McLachlan and Netwerk Records.**

_All the fear has left me now  
I'm not frightened anymore  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh  
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath  
_

She was attracted to him from their first meeting.

Dammit.

Of course, after the Joel Thayer… fiasco, Claire Kincaid did not wish to get involved.

Still, she pondered each night about the possibility, and she compared the two men.

They were both powerful, they were both older, they were both seductive, and they were both her bosses. Joel Thayer had been a judge, married, with a family, and politically corrupt. At the same time, he was sexist and treated her not as an equal but as a whore, a solace for when he was lonely and needed to get a quick fix.

Jack McCoy had been involved with all of his female assistants, married once, and had a teenaged daughter named Rebecca, with whom he was estranged. He was brash, bold, and arrogant, but he knew the fine line between right and wrong. He knew when to stop. Jack thought her competent, treating her like an equal, and respected her wishes to remain professional, ignoring his obvious attraction to her. Claire was deeply grateful for that, of course.

The two men were very different.

They were very much the same as well.

_  
And if I shed a tear, I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
Oh, and if I feel a rage, I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
_

It had been ten months since Claire began working for Jack.

They were getting drinks as usual; she did not mind that.

He had walked her out and hesitantly kissed her forehead as she slid into the cab, smiling. She smiled nervously back, still grateful he was just testing her.

"Don't confuse me, Jack," she murmurs, clicking the door shut.

He frowns, but he nods, and the cabbie starts the car with a sharp lurch.

She sighs heavily, knowing Jack would respect her wishes.

Damn it all to hell.

_  
Companion to our demons  
They will dance, and we will play  
With chairs, candles, and cloth  
Making darkness in the day  
_

The next day at work is awkward.

What else could it be? He had kissed her thoughtfully on the forehead, she had smiled, and she had told him she needed space.

She watches him sulk. He is very good at it, and guilt creeps upwards.

"Jack?"

"Hmmm?" he asks, barely looking up.

"Jack," she sighs, "Don't make me feel guilty."

Confusion registers on his face as she steps toward him, a sweet, innocent smile on her lovely features. She cups his cheeks and kisses him tentatively and quickly. Then she backs up and silently walks out of the office.

He would never make her feel guilty.

_  
It'll be easy  
To look in or out  
Upstream or down  
Without a thought  
_

She sits on the couch in his office, and he sighs heavily.

"So…" he prods.

"Well," she states, "Well, we have to make a decision here, Jack."

"Okay," he nods.

"Look," she turns and smiles wearily at him, "It'll be risky, unprofessional… but it may be wonderful. I'm willing to give it a shot, if you are, Jack, but you have to promise me something."

"Okay," he sighs, "What is it?"

"Promise me," here she gulps, blushing, "Promise me… it'll be more than just sex."

"I can't promise that Claire, not yet," he frowns.

"Fair enough," she sighs, standing, "Come."

He follows her dutifully.

Never had one of his assistants made him promise something so big before.

_  
And if I shed a tear, I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
No, and if I feel a rage, I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
_

They barely stumble into her apartment and close the door before the clothes soar about the room.

Her lips are on his sweetly, and he tastes her youth and innocence. They flow in a synchronized, frenzied, fumbling passion into the bedroom. He lays her down on the bed and stares intently into her whiskey eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asks, hovering just above her, completely naked.

She nods, smiling radiantly as she whispers, "One-hundred percent, Jack."

"Great," he grunts, easing gently between her legs.

He was almost afraid of breaking her.

_  
Peace, in the struggle  
To find peace  
Comfort, on the way  
To comfort  
_

She gasped as a sharp burst of pain hummed throughout her body, suddenly very aroused and very acutely aware of Jack's slow, steady thrusts within her.

"Am I hurting you?" he asks, terrified.

"No," she moans, clamping tightly around him, "No… God, Jack… please, please don't stop."

He nods, closing his eyes, moving along with her.

_  
Oh, and if I shed a tear, I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
Oh, and if I feel a rage, I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love  
No, I won't fear love  
_

When it is over, he props himself on his elbows and poises above her briefly, staring curiously into her beautiful eyes. She stares back, smiling.

"You're beautiful, Claire," he murmurs, pressing his forehead against hers. They close their eyes and sigh.

"Thank you," she whispers, "Can you… can you answer my question now?"

He nods and declares, "I promise you, Claire Kincaid, that… that whatever the hell we have, it is definitely more than just sex."

She smiles sweetly and caresses his cheek, and he rolls off her, pulling her into his arms. She yawns, exhausted, and falls asleep, a content smile plastered onto her alabaster-and-rose-petals face.

_  
No, and if I shed a tear, I won't cage it  
I won't fear love, oooh  
And if I feel a rage, I won't deny it  
I won't fear love, oooh  
_

The dawn of a new day creeps stealthily into the small bedroom. Claire is aware of his arm draped across her hip, and she shivers at the slight contact.

When he wakes a few moments after her, he smiles lazily.

She props herself on her elbow, sheets covering her bare body, facing him, smiling blissfully back.

"Hey," she murmurs.

"Hey," he mumbles back, grinning impishly.

Her lips capture his again, and when she pulls away and smiles she says, "I promise you, Jack… it's more than just sex for me, too."

His expression is undeterminable, and her own face is suffused with love and pride. He smiles, finger under her chin, ready to kiss her again.

"Good," he whispers, lips finding hers again.

They begin where they left off the previous night.

_  
I won't fear love, oooh  
I won't fear love  
And I won't fear no love, and I'll fear no love  
I will fear no love_


End file.
